Wednesday, April 23, 2003
The wisdom of Morford

I am compelled to share with you the wisdom of Mark Morford, columnist extraordinaire and master of long, run-on sentences that employ more adjectives than I ever thought existed in the English language:

== Homophobic Slimeball Republicans Say The Cutest Things ==

Rick Santorum, noted self-loathing hunk of spasming nightmarish oozing man-flesh and a general pasty-assed whitebread embarrassment to humanity as a whole, and also the Senate's third-ranked Republican, if you can believe it, says he has "no problem with homosexuality -- I have a problem with homosexual acts." In an interview with the AP that made reporters and the universe cringe repeatedly, Santorum, R-Pa., said he believes homosexual acts are a threat to the American family, and compared homosexuality to bigamy, polygamy, incest and adultery. "I have nothing, absolutely nothing against anyone who's homosexual. If that's their orientation, then I accept that. The question is, do you act upon those orientations? So it's not the person, it's the person's actions," he actually said, before being slapped. Which is much like saying, you know, I have no problem with Republicans, I have a problem with what sniveling white-ass kitten-molesting Republican homophobes do and say and eat and hiss and the vicious laws they enact and the imbecilic hate-filled bile they spread on their dumbed-down constituents like so much rancid margarine. Following the interview, the last nodule of Santorum's shriveled soul was yanked through his big toe by a demon worm and barbecued as an hors d'oeuvre.

Is this poetry, or what? You can read his wisdom every week at SF Gate.

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